Sunday, 30 September 2012

How not to Charm a Girl

            I have talked about awareness often in this blog and my book. Not only is paying more attention to your surroundings a good defence strategy, it can also be educational and entertaining. Perhaps you have gathered by now I am something of a people watcher.

            So, I am sitting in the pub last night, waiting for one and hopefully both of the exceptional women I have invited will turn up soon. Two girls join me at my table. One we will charitably call “cuddly”. She may have been carrying a bit more weight around the middle than was good for her, but her face was slim and quite pretty and she has nice ringleted hair. Her friend reminds me of Eileen Daly from “Razor Blade Smile” (below), which is no bad thing in my book. She wears a lace fronted top that displays very pleasant expanse of sideboob and upper belly. Their manners are pleasant too. We exchange a few words and jokes and chat a little before I let them resume their conversation. Basically these are two decent looking, pleasant girls and I might have paid them more attention if I had not already arranged to meet my other friends.

            After a while two lads approach the table. I think I had nipped to the bar to get a drink so the girls appeared to be on their own. Trying to chat up a girl when she is with a man is of course generally a bad idea, irrespective of the actual relationship between them. You are effectively saying that man is a nonentity and beneath consideration. These guys had approached politely and respectfully and the girls were obviously keen to talk to them, I had my own company on the way so I sat back to enjoy the show. What was particularly funny was that this bar was very noisy and it became evident that the only person hearing both sides of the conversation was me.

Guy “We don’t want to interrupt!”

Girl “You need to grow up? Ok!”

            Things progress, or not as the case may be. The Australian guy hits it off with “Ringlets” and before long they are side by side, leaning in towards each other and finding excuses to touch each other. Virtually textbook. On the other side of the table “Eileen” is obviously not doing so well. In fact I wouldn’t have needed my body reading skills, since several times she looked across, made eye contact with me and gave me as exasperated look. “Eileen” rolled a cigarette and announced she was going outside for a smoke. Trying to give this guy a bit of a clue, since he didn’t seem to have one, I asked:-

                        “You not going to join her?”

                        “I don’t smoke” he said, oblivious to anything else.

            She was outside for some time so I try again:-

                        “She’s been a while. Why don’t you check she is OK”


            Either this guy was totally clueless or he was totally immune to “Eileen’s” charms, which were not inconsiderable.

            Over the last couple of years I have often got to see just how bad the chat-up techniques of many men out there are. My girlfriend is a stunningly attractive woman and it is a rare night when if at least one guy does not attempt to hit on her while she is away from me. Some will try and hit on her while I am close by, probably assuming an old ugly guy like me cannot have anything to do with her. She has told me that I was one of the very few guys who actually offered to buy her a drink! I did see one guy offer her a drink, but he was clutching his phone in his hand like a security blanky, so he did not cut an impressive figure!